I am setting up my co-op for next year. The head curator at the AGO emailed me back and said they would try to find an opening for me in the preservation and archive department! That would be fantastic as it would allow me to gain experience for my Masters program at Ryerson. I have emailed a couple of other galleries as well, and asked my prof’s for advice.
I chilled with Angela, Omar and their friends last night. Had a BLAST. Cried off all my make-up AGAIN (from laughing) and had some delicious food and drink.
I really really really NEED TO GO OUT for coffee with my friend Sarah before she moves back to Nunavut. Our schedules just do not mesh well together.
The new job is great! A tad boring right now but it will start to pick up! I really need to talk to them about those two summer school classes I am taking but I am trying to avoid it because I am scared hes going to say no but whatever it never hurts to try right!
I am :( but MOVE ON GOD DAMN IT YOUR LIFE IS FUCKING AWESOME. Yea it is eh hahahaahah :D
And when I say it, I mean him. Seriously. I CAN NOT STOP. I literally wake up in the morning and go to bed at night thinking about him. I miss him. Its only been two days. I guess it has to get worse before it gets better? I have to stop my self from texting him. I wonder if he is thinking about me. Maybe. Maybe not. UGH. I thought we had the best weekend ever last week. Last week today I was meeting his parents! What happened :( I wanna send funny links! I wanna tell him about my day! UGHGHGHGHGHGHG
I guess I am writing this more for myself to look back on later but what the heck. Anthony and I ended our relationship last night and although I am very sad, I am sort of impressed by how everything went down last night. Maybe I am accustom to harsh breakups.
Anthony was really the first person in years who I had an actual committed relationship with and although there were bumps, our time together was awesome. Im going to miss cooking dinner together, laughing, driving around, and just relaxing with him. I knew he wasn’t 100% in to this relationship - you can tell - but I guess I just hoped maybe one day he could be. It took me a long long long time before I could ever trust a guy whole heartedly, and try my best to become open towards them. We never really got in to that much detail about Anthony’s past relationships. I really tried to be accepting of his feelings and although he did not feel like I was totally open with him I really did push my own limits. Im glad I did. After not having someone for so long, you forget how amazing it is to have someone to talk to and hold.
(Mushhyy Alert.) Anthony’s smile is priceless. Honestly just thinking about the fact that I wont be able to look at him anymore makes me cry. He always made such awkward faces, his eyebrows would be all wavy. He was so cute. His eyes ugh I dont even wanna talk about. They were so deep I could stare at him forever and wonder what is going on in there. Kisses were the best, best lips ever. He would grab my hand and kiss it and place it on his heart - which pretty much broke my heart when he did it last night before we parted ways. I was by no means in love with him, but I can admit I was starting to fall for him. Last night - I did not want to let him go, maybe I should have held on. I still can not come to terms with the fact that I will not be receiving a text good morning - or a picture of the sun.
I was always pushing for more out of him- which in turn lead to him getting defensive. I did not mean to make him angry, I guess I was just ready for something bigger then he was. I took for granted some of the things he said to me. He would try to tell me how he feels and I got scared. Scared of dishonesty maybe. We both had “trust issues” so I think we both always assumed the worst of each other which is completely horrible because I think we both had best intentions. Last weekend, we met each others parents and we both had a great time, but I think it made us realize how serious the relationship was becoming.
I am going to miss him very very much. Being able to roll over and wake up to him in the morning made my day. Hugs, I am going to miss those as well we had the best hugs. Hearing his thoughts on the world, his perspective on people and hearing him tell me “im awesome” or “you rock” - “your beautiful.” Im going to miss the way he looked at me.
Life is strange, everything happens for a reason. Maybe one day our paths will cross again (I hope they do) when we are both ready. Maybe they wont. But honestly I will never forget the times we spent together, I will never forget Anthony.