So, why is my razor at the sink and not in the shower where I left it?
Has.. has one of my roommates been using it?
‘Cause, no. No. I AM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT.
I have both of you on tumblr, so if either of you read this and have an alternate explanation, LET ME KNOW.
It’s not like this is…
Was it really necessary to post this on the internet? Im sure beth and kali dont appreciate this and maybe if you have problems like this you should confront them to their faces, or nothing will ever get solved. Kind of immature if you ask me, I thought you were more mature then this…
This letter is not intended to assuage your worst fears about Miss Chaileen Kim but will, in most cases, confirm them. Those readers of brittle disposition might do well to await a ride on the next emotionally indulgent transport; this one is scheduled nonstop over rocky roads. As soon as you’re strapped in I’ll announce something to the effect of how Chaileen may unwittingly convince others that the most combative spivs you’ll ever see are the “chosen people” of scriptural prophecy. I say “unwittingly” because she is apparently unaware that she operates under the influence of a particular ideology—a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won’t be able to grasp why Chaileen truly believes that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. It is just such reprehensible, snooty megalomania, ghastly egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Chaileen to torment, harry, and persecute anyone who crosses her path.
Chaileen and her spinmeisters are the most unambitious, stolid big-mouths you can imagine—and even then, only in your worst nightmares—and everyone with half a brain understands that. It seems ironic that there is no longer any room for hope, given that her litanies symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion—extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. Look at it from my point of view: Chaileen wants nothing less than to create a world without history, without philosophy, without science, without reason—a world without beauty of any kind, without art, without literature, without culture—hence her repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of her jackbooted artifices. She operates on an international scale to permit inattentive, maladroit lamebrains to rise to positions of leadership and authority. It’s only fitting, therefore, that we, too, work on an international scale, but to bring Chaileen down a peg. Not to belabor the point, but she likes to brag about how the members of her army of blathering mythomaniacs are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, I have a New Year’s resolution for Chaileen: She should pick up a book before she jumps to the rapacious conclusion that this is the best of all possible worlds and that she is the best of all possible people.
Chaileen’s blind faith in libertinism leads her only to corruption. And I can say that with a clear conscience because if you looked up “two-faced” in the dictionary, you’d probably see Chaileen’s picture. You might have heard the story that Chaileen once agreed to help us face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them. No one has located the document in which Chaileen said that. No one has identified when or where Chaileen said that. That’s because she never said it. As you might have suspected, Chaileen’s attendants often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. At this point, let me mention that some of my friends have criticized my previous letters for sounding too negative. They suggested that I adopt a more positive tone in the future. Well, as I’ve reached the end of this letter, I guess I can try ending on a positive note: I’m positive that there are none so blind as those who will not see.